The Past is Not an Easy Subject …

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Venture backwards if you must, we’ll all be here when you get back. The past is the past, viewable looking back, clear as daylight. However, on our own, it can wind up being a confusing recollection of memories to sort through, not having yet found meaning to those moments in life and how those moments have further defined us later in life. You are what you remember. While it’s best to keep things positive, we don’t always remember life in that way, and that’s exactly how you get hurt a century later, or 12 years later. See one do one teach one, that must have been exactly what they were thinking when I blew my first line of cocaine spring before senior year my last summer of college. That was when I turned 21, with an unforgettable birthday party at Toscana and a Limo to Hollywood to a club with family and friends. Not the lady in pictures I tried to be that night, in a Roberto Cavalli skirt, I was told Rihanna purchased too, in the store. I tend to exaggerate under the guise of any mind altering substance, whether that’s excessive study of music on iTunes, 50 makeup touch ups on New Years (the entire party left and went to someone else’s house), or winning a game of billiards in an ATF cop costume on Halloween in Boulder with someone sitting on the hole, got it in anyways. We build ourselves up in life to be important people one day: employees, friends, colleagues, girlfriends, wives, moms, and sometimes things work out for us, and sometimes it feels like forever waiting for the stars to align again and find love. -Always have faith. For every time I have messed up: rehab and AA = sober & clean. And it’s been my system of recovery since 2006, that’s taking my life seriously and stopping when I’m no longer in control of my life being ruled by a substance that doesn’t cure my pain but makes things worse, that’s how you know whether you can handle using substances in life, some of us, find ourselves on a one way ticket to hell, anytime we drink or accept a line. Straight back to hell. I used to wonder if people knew my story, and now I have more confidence and less paranoia having told my story myself rather than allow someone else to tell my story for me to others, and miss any important details.

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Feeling Pretty …

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When I don’t like the way I look life can be really depressing. It’s one of those things, you either like yourself or you don’t. You should always want to be yourself. Who else would you be and why? Be proud of who you are and don’t worry so much about what you are not. It’s a difficult concept, recognizing your self worth, sometimes we get so caught up in the excitement of matching or being loved that we lose track of ourselves and where we are headed in life. What’s worth your time? Worrying or living life? The more time invested in taking good care of yourself, the better you’ll feel. And if there’s something about yourself you can’t change, learn to accept those parts of you also.

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Lose Yourself …

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There will be moments in life when you are yourself, disconnected from the past, past struggles, past outlooks, and then there are moments when you are reminded of your past, by what you share about yourself. There can be no self-growth, during moments of chaos, mental disturbance, confusion, heartache, heartbreak, when you don’t feel like yourself. That’s losing yourself. Be patient with yourself, and be consistent about your goals in life whatever they may be. Know that you will not always see like others and be aware that others may see you as something you are not. No matter how insulted you are, disheartened, made tired, losing motivation in life, stay true to yourself. Peer support is different than professional guidance and this is how a blogger differentiates themselves from a professional advisor like a lawyer or a doctor, who talks to you to open you up, or talk to you to educate you on ways that you can be helped, need help, or how to be helped. A blogger is someone who by their own experiences in life is given tools to help encourage others, not discourage others, to serve as an example of someone who’s overcome hardship, and not allowed themselves to fail in life no matter what difficulties they faced in life. We live in a culture that expects people to feel the same in order for understanding to be had and that’s wrong. No shared feelings or shared understandings are needed in life to treat someone with respect, respecting their privacy, respecting their improvements, and with respect for what they’ve been through pry. It’s not the problems faced by someone that makes them attractive or inspirational to others, but it’s by how they feel, how they look, in spite of everything they’ve been through that makes them a fun person to know, get to know, and eventually understand on a deeper level without question, that’s being human. Beauty is not a competition, between different people with different lives different exposures and different connections in life. You are your associations in life, control which moments in life you allow yourself to be defined by, don’t set limits to your personal growth by allowing others to put you down in life, not only will you stop growing, but when you don’t feel good about yourself, is how progress is stopped. There are no directions to overcoming bullying, it’s something you have to not allow to get to you in life, get under your skin, and destroy you from within, you have to separate yourself from people who no longer serve your best interests and who treat you in a hateful way based on your education and experience condescending toward you as though you are well or treat others as though you’re above them. And that’s a painful aspect of a kind of disrespect you face as a blogger treated poorly by someone who gets to know you on a personal level to destroy you in public on a larger scale cause you pain and suffering and mental disturbance. Who’s more important? You are. Above all else how you feel is more important than how someone else feels about you. You have to take care of yourself in order for things to go right for you in life, no one that hurts you can fix you or make things better for you once things take a turn for the worst. That’s someone who doesn’t value you doesn’t appreciate all your hard work doesn’t realize how long it took for you to develop and grow a blog and a following and someone who doesn’t know a thing about suicide, bipolar, and meds, sees themselves as above you. That’s an unnecessary use of force, threat, and intimidation of someone who means no harm, does her best, and isn’t looking for a fight.

Expecting More …

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Sometimes we get what we want and are still not happy with ourselves. While it’s important to set goals and set your standards high, you have to make time to stop and smell the roses and also enjoy life. You are only given a few years to your life to explore the possibilities then you have to settle down and choose a career, work. Later in life you start to think about how you are known to others. However never lose sight of what’s important to you. Have the courage to say no. Follow your instincts within reason. There will be many good feelings you will experience upon doing well in life just don’t allow those good feelings to cause you to make bad decisions in life.

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Accept Your Disposition …

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There are certain things you can’t change about yourself one of which is your disposition in life. Just like having “middle child syndrome.” That you’ll just have to accept about yourself who you are, what you look like, what you sound like, and how you appear in a room full of people. Always have some self-control. I know for one that I’m very uncomfortable around people, especially now not proud of myself not happy with myself can make being around people a really claustrophobic experience in my shell. I used to not be this way. It’s something to do with how you feel about yourself affecting how you feel when you are around others. Then there is feeling like you’re being watched which is a condition that starts if you drink or do drugs. Which describes what happened to me in college senior year, and moved home. -I’m not sure what I’m going through right now. I just know that I’m not comfortable. Working on getting my energy back. That is feeling good about myself and then feeling good around people. This may take time.

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Misinterpretation of Uses …

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There’s a misinterpretation whenever there is a use of something made a second use, past the sharing of an introduction to ones story a real experience in life and a record of that experience kept or made and later made use of by another company who has benefited monetarily or went under, it was my drawing made after visiting the US Supreme Court and my idea to put helmets of the backing of their chairs around their heads. That was my idea my representation of them, as to be protected from unwanted interest. It’s not my story and later uses of my story for business purposes that is causing harm to their success but its harm to me that influences a negative take on my representation of myself as someone who bears guilt or like a Wolf movie identity is being used as though I don’t deserve to benefit from the sharing of my own life story or experiences in life knowledge or understandings. It’s upon discomfort felt when someone loses faith in you thinking you’ve done something wrong that an attack occurs by voices or energy occurs toward you such as hostility it’s based on how you are you are treated in life and that’s how trust is made or not made in life and it’s for the purposes of disempowerment that trust is questioned if I ever say anything that doesn’t settle with another as though I don’t do my best to be thorough in words explain my position my understandings in life without mention of anyone from my life who I am no longer connected to nor feel as apart of me that’s keeping myself separate it’s not people I am reading in life it’s me reading me and judging from the perspective of someone not liking me thinking critically of me what assumptions they jump to as misread your judge me as a: hooligan, addict, drug addict, or dealer of bad insights or insensitivities as though I’m immune from hurt trust me as someone without forethought compassion or understanding for the lives energies well being sensibilities peace and trust and ability of others it always seems to be my disposition changed at my own expense of accommodating who is trying or testing to see how I feel uncomfortable as though to restore their own comforts in life hearing from me as though I’m expected to bring comfort to someone who’s discomfort expressed toward me is deserved if one is well absent minded communications or hearing from me then what’s the matter with me writing online if they don’t hear or see me then what’s the problem caused to those who likewise met me and don’t hear from me? One was punishment at an AA meeting hospitalized 30 days and the last disconnection was not from punishment it was from focusing on my own wellness and doing my best to get well again after not feeling well that’s not addiction that’s responding to interrogation and being drained upon responding to someone who does not believe in me or trust me. My condition should not therefore influence or change anyone’s condition for that matter unless it’s to prove that my condition is poor or not well or unfit for cohabitation well interactions socialization dating or communication unstable, I’m stable I speak if necessary if I’m quiet I’m quiet I’m as honest as can be and if I don’t feel like speaking I don’t speak I’m not obligated to manage any chaos not caused by me and reserve every right to speak upon being well when I achieve peace when my head is clear not be tormented tested and put under pressure to speak to see what I’m like with my head gone or slow or not smart upset or confused or not well. That’s an unnecessary use of force to test for intelligence or reaction or condition of stroke or heart attack or hemangioma not be respected about my body.

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You Time …

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There’s you time and there is avoidance there’s listening and there’s not responding there’s guilt and there’s annoyance depending on what your goals are in life never fill your plate to high or pile on more cares than you can manage. What is doing the right thing. Allowing for things to happen or saying “I’m not gonna stand for that.” Then there’s you as connected with the responsibility not to interfere with the good will of the organizations that seek to protect their members and clients, that’s when your right to express stops, when your expressions fail to vocalize anything that helps including your image how you feel how you look and based upon your wellness have the potential to affect others. That’s the difference between when it’s easy to be around you versus finding yourself alone. I can’t explain the causes for feeling gone and never quite understood why I ever felt sick and never understood the distance between my companions and I maybe they were just focused on themselves maybe they saw enough and were fine on their own with enough positive insight to keep going in life with or without me. It’s very hurtful when you are in a trusted relationship and don’t hear from someone it never quite feels deserved I’m sure I wasn’t the strongest representation of wellness throughout my life sometimes people learn to know you better than you have shared to them and that’s when a bond is lost. Give it time. If you’re hard to accept if there’s something about your past you’re embarrassed by or were made to feel shame about them that’s someone “disappointed” in you. That doesn’t mean that that past is relevant to now, that doesn’t mean delete, erase, remove, tear up, or throw in the trash, something that’s causing you worry it could be something special if saved could later help better tell your story without the unnecessary disappointment. No one will ever tell you how to live life or what to be proud of and you will never know how many lives know you until it’s calculated online. Don’t future trip, if someone does not trust you or thinks your past is silly or doesn’t take you seriously that doesn’t mean be embarrassed. Whoever loves you will be proud of you especially recognize you when well. Never put too much pressure on anyone to fix you you have to realize your potential on your own no one will sit there and watch you or cheer you on or give you advice in case you get lost, that’s being a strong companion, not questioning them, giving them space, and managing your thoughts in a journal, doing step work, living a private life, and not cater to any audiences in life take anything personally. If it’s not about you, just let the confidences of others ride, don’t worry about the happiness of others, just be happy for others, most don’t have life figured out that much well in advance to meeting you. Just appreciate who’s around and who supports you when and where.

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An Image You’re Proud Of …

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My best advice is to create an image of yourself you’re proud of, then overtime you get to be more and more yourself online without scaring anyone away. Be mature. What’s most important is that you demonstrate first your level of professionalism online and attention to detail. That’s what makes you comforting to be read, that you put the time and the effort into being known, and if you put the time and effort into being known then others will be more likely to put the time and the effort into getting to know you. Ever notice the most confident people are outspoken and don’t seem to care what anyone else thinks? Yeah I’ve wondered the same thing too, how come they get to speak that way, how come if I sound like that no one takes me seriously or thinks I’m into myself or being cocky. It depends on who you are, we only get afforded so many opportunities in life to shine amongst the rest, you are no different, we all have to earn our stripes. Blogging is a wonderful job opportunity for those who wish to work from home, it just takes a lot of hard-work and it’s a very tough uphill climb to build an audience. If you love what you do and are passionate about your progress and what you have to offer the world then maybe blogging is the job for you. If you have nothing to talk about and don’t know where to get started maybe means you need more experience in the work force before you decide to give up applying for jobs. Income? I haven’t figured that much out yet in life, it’s pretty sad. Loves to blog but doesn’t know how to earn a wage. I think we all grow at different paces in life, no matter what your passions are in life stick to it, you never know where you’ll end up in life with a positive attitude. That’s the main goal. Looking like you’re going places in life and be someone who eventually achieves in life, earns a wage, and actually becomes the person they are on paper, mature, respectable, confident, and worth meeting in life. If you’re worth meeting in life chances are you will eventually connect with the right people in life, and have your dreams come true. -You cannot be in two places at once, that is stuck in the past while trying to move forward. So learn from your mistakes do your very best to be present, and take it one day at a time until you’re keeping a calendar making appointments setting up interviews, and becoming the business woman you thought you could be in life, managing a practice (or a blog), taking care of clients (or readers), and giving advice online (life advice not legal advice), that’s how I’m making the best out of my education and helping others.

Don’t Settle for Less …

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Everyone loves a little excitement from time to time but face it many of us settle instead for a life of mediocracy. Just don’t blame anyone else if you feel unhappy and unfulfilled in life, your happiness is in your power, most of the time happiness is about forgiving and forgetting. Don’t allow all your problems to pile up on your plate in life, that will surely prevent you from being able to move forward in life. So set your standards high, and keep your dreams big. Where do you see yourself in the future and what are you doing presently in your life in order to make those things happen for you. Feeling alone? Ask yourself why? What’s keeping you from being social and getting back out there whether it’s: job, dating, or making friends. It can be a tough pill to swallow to realize you’re alone in this world and do nothing to change your set of circumstances in life. Have faith. For every goal you set your building a pathway to a new you, a new future, and with results, comes growth. You can’t grow remaining who you are now, and if now that’s causing you unrest, then get moving in the right direction in life and don’t hold back. Only you can fix you’re right now, opportunity awaits, simply try, and never give up on yourself, and don’t allow people, places, or things, to cause you to lose track of your sense of morals, and sensibility in life, becoming desensitized is not the solution to your problems, but being more careful, more diligent, more hardworking, will surely make you a better more confident person in the long run.

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Too Much …

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Sometimes I can’t get enough of myself and sometimes I look back and go what was I thinking. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. Too much sharing, too much caring, and opening up too much. I probably just need to set limits for myself in life. Figure out my stopping points, and not get too experimental with my image online. The main goal is to create work that your proud of. You can’t go back, sure you can delete, but that doesn’t erase the discomfort of embarrassment. At what point do we say, I’m feeling this, but I’m not going to talk about this. As a writer it’s so hard to keep secrets to yourself you feel the need to share everything. It’s not required for you to build trust in that way. Just stay true to yourself. Learn to enjoy the simple things in life. Today I feel calm yesterday emotional, bipolar feels just like that. Some days you are yourself and some days you don’t understand yourself or why your over expressing emotions and feelings you’re not feeling on a daily basis. Probably just needs therapy. Much to overcome. Happy where I am in life but still a work in progress.

Not Quite an “IT” Girl …

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We can’t all have it down at once: looks, intelligence, reputation, confidence, love, and pride. If you want to be a good example to others it starts with how you live your life not just by sharing your thoughts about life. Reflecting is easy, to describe your life as it was, living is more difficult. The less you complicate your understandings of life the better off you’ll be. Certain things should be automatic to you, how you feel, your sleep schedule, or you take meds, such as myself. What’s really disconcerting is when our automatic skills in life get tampered with, triggered, when others bring out the worst in us, had we not heard from them or talked to them would not be feeling the way we are feeling now, tired, drained, and out of sorts. Just stay positive, focus on yourself, and don’t worry too much what other people think. I was once told “your reputation starts in law school,” and have just graduated from law school with all this happening in life, has been a very painful experience to say the least bullying and defamation. I’m not sure where I stand with my audience I just know that if I flounder get sick self-harm or fail the only person I’ll be letting down in life is myself. Even if no one thinks highly of you, think highly of yourself.

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The Main Goal …

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After getting myself worked up the past few days it’s time to take a step back. Thinking instead what good will this serve me to continue on getting flustered and speaking off topic, about things so personal even I cringe to hear myself speak. That’s only doing myself a disservice in life to talk about my private life or personal choices in life, some things aren’t for the public to decide. Life is best observed upon wellness and in times of sickness weighing I’m sure for anyone to hear what’s going on with you, what’s bothering you. That’s not helpful at all. Not all things were meant for public discussion. No one ever imagines that anyone they let into their lives has the capacity to ruin our lives, as naive as I might be, I never really thought that anyone would try to destroy me, and all the progress I’ve made, I guess that’s the price for sharing your heart out loud, toyed with, manipulated, and when not sharp, taken advantage of, and made to look bad in public. Some people only care about themselves willing to go to extreme lengths to cast a negative light over an otherwise inspiring a beautiful life lived. I may have endured difficulties but mostly just mental health issues things I felt were happening that weren’t happening, however this time someone is actually hurting me, and it’s not just imagined. I was better off writing and living a quiet life not connecting with anyone and as a consequence for letting someone into my life I’ve been hurt in the process of growing out of my troubles in life. This will take time to process. The main goal is to be immune from controversy, to not allow myself to be manipulated and destroyed by anyone, and not work to please another at the expense of my own happiness and pride.

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Just an Illusion …

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You will have many dreams in life, one of which will be to be loved and adored. You will have crushes in life too, none that require you to actually pursue them or try to talk to them. That’s just recipe for disaster. We are given quadrants in life of acceptance, and sometimes while traversing those quadrants in trying to speak to a better life than the one we’re in we get lost. That explains my messenger experience. Although it was a real companionship or experience in life, it’s an inappropriate relationship to say the least, not one with expectation of lasting forever, just a fantasy friendship or bond. That I don’t think the other person understood. I will never understand why people can’t just keep it here. And why they want more from you. I think if someone knows your condition and has a life of their own they should not expect more from you. That doesn’t make sense to me. How friendly updates turned into something else. I feel like someone ripped my heart out and beat me over the head with a bat is what it feels like when someone asks for pictures then posts them online, it’s a very invasive experience to say the least.

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A Living Nightmare …

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The start of anything new is unique and exciting, however harmless as it seems at the time, never forget the repercussions of opening up to someone in private. When you share your world with someone that’s a big thing, and what might have seemed special then can later turn into something else, a nightmare. We all have our sense of peace, in the privacy of our own lives feel a sense of blissful quiet, the type of quiet where there’s nothing to fear in front of us, nothing past that can catch up to us, and when right now we feel capable and in the moment. Unfortunately those moments don’t last long, and while you may be recovering and finding yourself again, the other may expect more from you. What is normal? Know your limits in life. Not all will be understanding of our disabilities or mental health issues. You can’t be open to most that’s the main lesson, especially not to anyone who is judging you based upon what you are saying or what you look like. We all come out of messes at different points in our lives sometimes with the help of others and sometimes on our own realize our self-worth again. Don’t be too experimental with your health. Today we can video and photo our journeys but think is this something I’d want to share with everyone? Don’t be so compulsive to record each moment of your recovery, allow yourself some privacy too during the many stages of your personal growth and recovery. You never know who may be capitalizing on your weaknesses and openness in life and for worse share all that you’ve been through and impede on your current progress now. That’s the price you pay for having pen pals and sharing in private what could otherwise be shared in public.

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What’s Easy? …

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Catch yourself before you fall into a negative spiral would be my best advice. Recognize when you’re giving up on yourself and allowing negative thoughts about yourself and your future to rule your current outlook. You only have one life to live meaning making the best of a good life. You may not feel well, you may feel hurt, you may feel tested, incapable, or failing but whatever you do don’t give up, you’re only letting yourself down in life when you give in to negative energies. For me maintaining a positive outlook is looking at my hand in life, and still making a good life out of what I have left of me. Starting over isn’t easy not with friendships, not when it comes to relationships, and not when it comes to going back into the workforce again and working. Those are steps you take once you’ve recovered from what’s bothering you personally, have overcome set back, and ready to meet the next challenge in life acceptance wise, friend wise, or in a loving relationship make last what did not last previously. You get to choose what you invest your time and energy in in life and if it’s not meant for you you don’t have to take additional steps to further any relationship that there is no future in. Sometimes there will be people in our lives who feel good but who don’t make us feel good, what is love? It’s being around people and feeling good upon communication with others, once you get sick it’s hard to have much of anything in life, why it’s important to never overinvest in anything that causes you illness, or to not feel well, that will surely change your hand at life in all other aspects of your life. Luck is what you make of yourself and if you want to start attracting the good back into your life you need to start living a life you’re proud of not be riddled with shame, embarrassment, and hardship, if you can do a better job at living life than you are doing now then do so, no matter who’s in your life, no matter who you match up with, and no matter what you have to let go of in life. Health is wealth. And although love is important it’s not the end all be all there are so many other things you can do with your life besides giving love and sharing love with another. If that’s not the end of your road in life or main goal then don’t let anyone convince you otherwise that you need them in order to feel whole, I believe you can achieve wellness on your own and that it’s not until you are well that you will feel wellness around you and be of interest to others and those who are well.

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Don’t Go Backwards …

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Whatever you do, don’t go backwards. Any process of recovery requires you to continue on your path and stay on course. Don’t give up simply because you’re having a bad day or because you’re feeling challenged. You can’t cut corners in life and there are no short cuts, you’ll just have to take the long way. Remember if you take ten steps back you’ll eventually have to take ten steps forward again, so don’t even get started in the first place. It’s not worth testing your limits, you’ll just have to figure out a way to cope that doesn’t involve abuse of substances in order to get your way, achieve a feeling, or numb out what’s not going right for you in life. So be strong. We all find feel stuck sometimes. You know what not to do. So long as you have that much figured out figuring out what to do will be that much easier. It’s when you’re doing what you’re not supposed to be doing that you feel most alone. Don’t further isolate yourself when you have a problem and make it more difficult for you to get help, and get going again in life. So have faith, take it one day at a time, be patient with yourself, and stay in the solution. Good luck!

A Day of Rest …

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Recovery feels like a long mission back to normal and when you fall of course it can be an exhausting lesson. When I’m not feeling well I have a tendency to rely on meds to fix me, and forget to pace myself, more isn’t always better. That’s never the correct way to fixing yourself rest is. And the more you try to do the less you get done go figure, you would think the more awake you are the more would come to mind, but instead the exact opposite occurs, a freeze. You’ll find yourself in freezes from time to time. It just means slow down, pace yourself, and keep busy no matter how painful it is to get started. Sometimes in thinking about our problems things get worse. Be patient. Getting your motivation back means staying on schedule, the energy will come. If you’re not setting goals for yourself and keeping lists then get started. When you have an idea of where you are headed in life, you’ll end up in more right places in life. It’s not always easy to have a plan, but it’s helpful to have things to look forward to in life. So do your best, count your blessings twice, and give yourself time to heal, from processing, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Starting Over …

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Being proud of yourself means having the patience to grow, love yourself in the process of learning, and having faith in good things to come. When you lose all of that life can feel difficult, the times unfixable, and your problems impossible to overcome. No one can guide you through your issues until you are willing to speak about what’s been bothering you so that you can begin the process of healing. Just when I thought the worst was behind me I was again tested in life when a pen pal decided to turn on me. Never go looking for love or friendship online it never ends well. And no they are not doing you any favors in life, go out into the world and make friends and date in real life, that’s just being avoidant of reality. And they can hurt you the same however in a much worse way. Never be surprised when someone else takes their unhappiness out on you, especially online. If you’re sharing your life online then be prepared to be met with skepticism, that’s someone not believing in you, and if they don’t believe in you trying to get others to not believe in you too and that can hurt, hurt how you feel, hurt how others feel about you, make you a less credible source, and hurt your reputation and self-esteem that is your motivations in life to write, to live each day well, and to stay positive. So keep your head up, less is more, and do your best to move on from people who no longer serve your best interests and who cause you harm.

Most of the Time …

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By the time I get upset I’m usually tired and upon being tired heckled and taunted told things that usually send me off course in life I remember and later recall upon being able to stand up straight and think things over but in those moments of feeling gone, feelings hurt, like I’m being one upped, tricked on purpose by someone more alert than me with a lighter load of issues in life, taken advantage of treated as scared or guilty, and pride upon being despondent or quiet not interactive focused on them, made to focus on them, when my attentions are within me. I’m not sure why that is, my focus interrupted as though being focused on myself or my own thoughts disturbs anyone overlooking my progress, as though one is supposed to be open and loving light hearted and if not deemed issue laden or problematic to the extreme of keeping them separate from everyone not responded to, there are many communication in non communication or rejection, it’s a hurt inflicted to one, who is not taken seriously in life, not empathized with, or recognized as sweet or feminine sensitive, but treated as bad, or incoherent, not arrived, behind in life, on their own merits, as though deserved to be screamed at in life by loved ones as though I’m the reason for me feeling gone or feeling mentally ill incapable of achieving in life. There are two kinds of people: (1) is taunted and proves them wrong, rises above the commentary, and achieves self respect regardless who is deemed guilty of my condition transpired always told “well it’s your fault,” without talking about the causes for my mental health stability appearance demeanor or look, and (2) one who when sensitive or pressured without knowing what to do to alleviate turmoil following lost rapport or love, seeks to back out of a deal upon being hard on me when I’m not being aggressive toward them accusatory, it’s like it’s okay for others to be pushy with me and preserve their happiness and peace doing stuff for acceptance or without thinking thinking there is an end goal of repair, don’t buy into anyone who has harmed you as though they can at a later point in time provide solution to your inner upset, problems, or mental health issues, if one believes you to have cheated on them, then that’s how you will be treated like some trick whore, without them taking responsibility for hurting you in the guest place since April posting a page on and off, demanding compliance for friendship, and expecting me to be the same person loving and sweet, once youve hurt me and push me over the edge demanding, I have every right to say no I’m not going to give you more money and I’m not going to listen to your promises or convince me that you are my happy ending, if I’m a happy person, that’s someone taking everything from me to make themselves happy and wealthy while hurting me by comments to make me feel bad about myself like I wasn’t a good person to begin with and now appear sickly mentally ill unfocused hitting my head depressed unmotivated can’t maintain momentum stay positive physically ill and no one will help me, I reported what was happening no one advised me on what to do until I called the FBI, police, and Judge Brown, and still no one had advised me on what to do, blocking doesn’t work nor does ignoring them. It’s not okay for them to ruin my life until I get suicidal or hurt me to see me negative hitting my head as though that justifies their treatment of me. I’m educated. I’m fortunate to be taken care of. And that $7000 was my edd government benefits, otherwise I’d have no money to give, and my Charles Schwab stock sold, because they told I had to give them money to be paid back then after giving money told no refund then what services were they making me pay for to someone who talked to me on the phone who’s not American. Reported all of you. You can’t put me in jail like I deserve it run your own investigations in life you are not my authority figure in life that I’m obligated to negotiate with speak to or be rejected by as though you have the power to torment me change my condition or bring about worse circumstances for me as though I’d walk myself into jail, I slammed my head into a wall and made a hole in the wall with my head, from hearing voices, I lived alone, wasn’t doing anything wrong, except have a pen pal, who sued me. Then if you guys feel entitled to $7000 and talk to me, then I’m not talking to anyone, like everyone thinks they deserve money from me like they’re helping me, putting me down in life making fun of me treating me like some needy, small minded, trouble maker, bringer of bad luck, stop hurting me, and stop trying to make things look like I’m guilty or the cause of gun violence and terrorism! #enough. Fix yourselves, fix your own life, and stop hurting me to bring out worse circumstances for me in life. When I’m gone I’m gone, until then I’m not committing suicide over any acceptances or rejections in life. I need no one romantic, all it poses is a risk, and subjects me to hate, like I have not equally invested heart into a relationship and wasted tine effort and energy working as hard as I could to make things go right for me in life without upsetting anyone or disappointing anyone, as soon as love is in the mix, is the minute I get defamed treated as an embarrassment then don’t hire me, don’t date me, AND DONT READ MY BLOG, if you can’t reply or talk to me, then you have no business knowing my business condition or current diagnosis. If it’s not about you it’s not about you don’t fight with me to create arguments like I write to attack the esteems of others, I need to uplift myself and in order to do so it’s important that I be balanced I don’t leave people out to dry in life and if love is lost that means I gave up opening up to someone, means I’m tired, hurt, and need to be alone to recharge. Everyone’s entitled to alone time.

I Used to Want …

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I used to want to have the perfect blog full of tutorials and Pinterest worthy cards, but realized it was more important to be myself than it was to necessarily teach back solutions to problems. I found that the best way I can help others is to improve myself, get out of those feelings of helplessness and disarray and put my life back together again, then I can write the self-help tutorial. Today’s a new day, and while the day before was a whirlwind of emotions stretching back to every aspect of your life you’ve found difficulty overcoming you don’t have to go back to those places in life you’ve removed yourself from. Sometimes we get dramatic when upset which can feel like a non-stop train to nowhere. Acknowledge when it’s getting to that point of no return, whether it’s a panic attack, fighting with a loved one, breaking up with an angry Ex, take a step back and breathe and don’t let anyone take your power away. They may try to get through to your heart and hurt your feelings in the worst way but don’t allow them to, be stronger than that. And if you ever need a place to go to know that you’re not the only one who gets pissed off, feels tormented, aggravated, bullied, taunted, and struggles with mental health issues, know that you’re not alone, and the best thing you can do to help yourself is to talk about it not keep things to yourself.

One Thing I Have Trouble With …

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One thing I struggle with is staying positive past the point of failure feeling defeated in life like there is nothing I can do to make my life better it’s at those points in life you begin to question your personal value what you are able to do and sometimes question your own abilities after having thought you gave your best effort and still could not overcome self-harm, what to do then. By the time the dust settles and you have begun to reflect in a peaceful way what upset you and why you reacted poorly and self-harmed it’s too late the damage has already been done and instead of rising above hate you let them win, convincing themselves of a justified discomfort for you and then proving that discomfort justified by self-harming as though thats a win for anyone with expectation of rejection faced by you for you to become violent (toward self or others think that they are in your heart and when you hit your head claim that it’s your anger toward them when you hit yourself no it’s not feeling good then feeling suicidal and instead of committing suicide I hit my head), bothered, upset, or angry, as though your heart has been deprived of love and it’s the deprivation of love that causes you to hurt yourself in anger and be the one upset with yourself because you are not loved and ignored thats the experiment done to you if you subject yourself to rejections in life that someone who thinks they’re smarter than you and manipulates your condition to feel insulted with expectation of hearing from them and speaking to them in depth answering their questions in reply not be treated as a human being subjected to rejection to see how one photos themselves be treated as someone who is into themselves if it’s not a match then stop asking me so many questions. I am a sweet person I have never once in my life flipped out on anyone or been angry toward anyone in my life. So it’s wrong to treat me as an offender reject me because you think I deserved to be punished as though my condition tone or look is fitting of someone who deserves to be trashed without a job as though I’m living off of the successes of others like I don’t try hard in life a let down, I have always done my best and it’s not my fault my life was ruined and I’m not able to get a job now given my condition and mixed attitude in life upon insult expected to tough things out like I’ve done wrong in life and should accept treatment of me like I’m a piece of $hit that hurts people on purpose, I’ve been an advocate with a stellar resume, and because I spoke in private with someone, they saw me as something else then made the entire world think less of me, and because everyone thinks less of me I question living life, the purpose of my existence, and do my best not to self-harm no matter how much pain I’m in, how much I suffer, bullied hearing voices, hurt, then expected to perform and still make a positive difference no matter how badly I feel beat up and tormented bothered. Ive never been motivated by the wrong reasons in life and it’s never been my job to appear to a higher standard than that which I’m capable of, like I’ve failed anyone misrepresented myself or others. My career was ruined, my life was ruined, my relationships were ruined, my heart is ruined, my mind is ruined, and I have physical disability as a result it’s called depression, not motivated to do much in life, which affects my ability to work not fast enough, not energetic enough, not lively enough, not spunky enough, and not pretty enough to represent anyone in life picked.

Be Yourself …

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Often times when we feel insulted, we become grumpy, and in not feeling good about yourself because someone has triggered feelings within you to ruin your mood, you feel lost, and when lost not your usual self. I for instance used to be very animated, talkative, open to meeting to new people, not judgmental or picky, as I got older … well nothing has changed about me, just how happy I am with myself. Learn to forgive it’s not the types of people or by what they look like or sound like that have the power to devalue you once connected to you or crossing through your life that make you feel poorly about yourself, it’s how you feel about yourself is what matters most. So learn to let go of what you think people are thinking while looking at your life and who’s in your life or by who your surrounded by judge you and the rest of your audience as being similarly off beat out of touch with reality or criminally minded, thats just characteristic of those who seek to love you privately and involve money in the process of giving you love take money from you. If you don’t need love that badly then don’t talk to people who see opportunity in having you in their lives to be known in a positive way with attentions drawn to you get attention for themselves as hero disclosed as though they are a confidant to your audience spreading rumors and lies about your good character bad mouth you to the public to make themselves feel better about themselves. If you complied with all requests and if there is no longer love you cannot force a person to give love to someone they no longer love or trust that hurts my heart and causes me unwanted aggravation as though I’m obligated to care confide in trust or continue on in a relationships where everything’s a one way street, it is how he sees it, without consideration of the damage that has been done to my image and reputation online for having a sick relationship with someone who used me lured me into trusting him sexually only to expose me online as though I came on to him and needed love from him, I just needed someone to talk to. Those photos were demanded by him to be made against my will, not in the mood sexually, and not in my good taste nude, he made me look disgusting to the entire world and he won’t stop hurting me and doesn’t care how that makes me feel or my fans only cares about himself like he’s entitled to hurting me online and send emails insulting me expecting a conversation to carry on and if I don’t reply posts embarrassing videos and photos on pages. This is beyond obsession this is someone who capitalized on my condition as bipolar vulnerable and willing to love and be friends with a stranger who deceived me and hurt me then inflicted blame upon me like I’m asking for trouble or as though I’ve ever done anything to harm him or “lie” to him I’ve always been 100% honest, about my life and my condition and share everything online even my first book! Which I spent thousands of dollars on writing and editing and it’s not complete yet.

Grow from Your Mistakes …

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When you’re feeling less than perfect, think about all the progress you’ve made thus far, what kept you going and what set you back.

1. Write a list of affirmations each day remind yourself of how special you are.

2. Write a list of your strengths and weaknesses and recognize what needs work and do so.

3. Check in with friends and loved ones, when you isolate the only person you’re hurting is yourself, don’t let the hurt fester, check in.

Only you can take preventative steps, know your limits with people, and know when to stop saying yes to everything people pleasing. Your happiness comes first not always the happiness of another. And if you are pleasing someone at your own expense in life then it’s not worth the hurt of getting mad at yourself when you feel less than. Don’t let things get to the point when you feel completely helpless and out of sorts. That’s all they do, insult, don’t you get it, it’s about control. Them trying to control you at your expense don’t allow yourself to get used and defeated by people who only care about themselves and trash you online to make themselves feel better about themselves like your life is disposable it’s not!

Hearing What You Want …

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We don’t always hear what we want, especially from those who think they know us better than we know ourselves. People love to tell you how they think things are. It’s like someone who thinks they know you and are better than you are somehow entitled to putting you down in life or insulting you. If someone cares about you they won’t hurt your feelings like that. Don’t be ruled by your insecurities in life. And don’t allow others to capitalize on your insecurities in life take advantage of your kindness and openness. Some only want to get to know you to help themselves and when they don’t get their way destroy you from the inside out. That’s what makes relationships hard, being open about your feelings and then feeling shot down by the commentary from others criticizing who we are and why we are the way we are. Surround yourself with people who nurture you and support you and foster your personal growth. And anyone else who is trying to make you look bad, embarrass you, inflict blames, or insults to cause you to question yourself, doesn’t deserve your time and attention. You only have one life to live learn to be happy with yourself, you might get mad at yourself for giving this person the time of day to get to know you but take it as a learning lesson you may get close to people in life who no longer serve your best interests and at that point it’s okay to separate yourself from them. Get support and don’t keep your feelings and experiences to yourself and allow someone to hurt you and intimidate you into thinking you have to please this person to be nice to you because you have no other options in life at preventing this person from harming you.

Imitation is Viewed as Insult …

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You will reach a point in your adult life and career when you will be assessed on the basis for which you can work well with others, work in the company of others, work around others, manage insults, and maintain your own unique sense of self well adjusted anywhere you go, only now with everyone knowing who you are, a loss of respect occurs upon interactions around you, spoken to as a problem or apart of the solution or spoken to as the wrongdoer someone who purposefully caused harm to another to bring about an intended result a reply or to have someone in your life spoken to with expectation. There is being creative and there is taking chances and when you take chances without proper permissions that’s how you will be viewed from within any cohort as causing discomfort to everyone as though under your leadership a direction or proper way of combing through the issues as delivered by you has been done so in an inappropriate way. I applied to HRW Counterrorism they have my application that’s not what my Instagram was about encouraging behaviors or celebrating losses or wars and threats as though I’m strong enough individually to address and combat those issues with what knowledge I have, to make any promises “happy” or not. As it’s for those reasons I believe I was being terrorized for 4 years hearing name calling and being shouted at alone at home sitting outside. With expectation of me to respond to shouting with the expected assumption of it being about me and to speak to why I think when someone says that word they are meaning me and why and then further expect all incidences or reports of all interactions your whole life to determine whether you have a dirty mind whether you were gay to explain why you were not adored or loved or respected or valued because you seemed like you were not into people into yourself and therefore subjected oneself to insult as being something polar opposite to who they are. There are no covers in life or further understandings becoming something you’re not to understand life better through a different lense, you make choices in life. You either feel good about yourself confident and once you become the type of person who is not confident and gets looked at with disgust or with expectation for explanation as though you’re supposed to have a big picture understanding of how things were made and why, then there is no mutual understanding, if it’s just everyone trying to say I’m sexual and perverted toward men in private in a non attractive way and that’s why I get rejected ignored because they don’t believe that I love them am being genuine and instead now with all the gay alerts on treating me as fraud like I would have sex to replace a feeling or condition myself to be attracted to whomever. If you’re not attracted to me and if you think I’m gay and it bothers you that I’m not craving a mans touch or company maybe that just means I’m focused on myself not because you are not important but because I’ve experienced love already and it’s very painful when things don’t work out and I got suicidal when I was unstable love causes me instability because it’s my number one focus and priority over all other things really important to me who I love and being the best version of myself to be loved back earn it.

Brought Down to Life …

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Being down to earth means not thinking too highly of yourself, I think this is suggested so in the event someone tries to level you off and tell you how it is, you don’t hurt in the process. When your expectations are highest we are most likely to get hurt, expecting highly of ourselves and others, and when we feel shorted or disappointed experience pain, embarrassment, hurt pride. Having low self worth is only harmful to the extent you allow yourself to be subjected to harm. So don’t allow just anyone to have their way with you in life, keep your head up. When we feel most scared and alone in life, we can be brought into the toughest scandals and schemes, risking our pride and self worth to appease another at our own expense. This makes them feel better about themselves to see how stupid you are or become under the influence of their directions in life. Some treat people like animals without regard for their sense of identity their reputation or their feelings hurt them like they think they deserve to be hurt or trashed in public. Don’t let anyone bring you down in life or cause you repeated self-harm embarrassment or cause you suicide once exposed to the world how you appear in a loving relationship with another.

Don’t Question Yourself …

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If you’ve made the time to get to know others, then don’t question yourself. And if they don’t make the time to reply, then turn bumble dating off. It’s as simple as that. You’re either ready and patient but if you’re too sensitive to even begin the process of talking to others in a romantic way about life and be liked or rejected on the basis of your beauty, lack of beauty, job, or lack of job, then no dating app is the right place for you. Think what can you do for yourself to feel more whole and until you get there will you be ready to add any additional people to your life to get to know and take care of. Where are you emotionally confidence wise, and for what purpose will this new person serve in your life. If you have no purpose in dating then don’t even get started. In my case, I’m going to wait until I lose a total of 50 lbs before I start dating. This I realize with hesitancy to see who is out there single and who likes me back, matched with very nice men, but none of who responded, means that there is more work to be done on my end, likes me, but not a number one priority on their list of people to respond to or to like back. Someone who likes you will feel a sense of urgency as do you when it comes to replying, and if that urgency isn’t there and if they are busy working and not checking then be patient. Just as you spent time swiping so did they swipe and pick you so don’t take it personal and turn dating mode off like I did today and lose all your matches and conversation starters. Next times a charm. Lesson: Don’t freak out leave it on!

Don’t Bully Yourself …

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Half of what you think you hear are negatives you assume other people are thinking about you, stop yourself. Don’t allow those feelings to fester to full blown delusion over who you are and where you see yourself in the world. It can be a very disorienting experience in life when alone to think everyone is against you or feel like you are under attack. Remind yourself that you’re a good person, no one can hurt you, and that you will get through this. You don’t have to be ruled by those emotions … we won’t feel good some days just don’t exaggerate that feeling and justify why you don’t feel good and start making up excuses and blames. You’re only setting yourself back in life the more you assume things are worse than they really are. You will get through this, you can get through this, don’t lose faith in yourself.

Avoiding the Buzz …

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Whenever you decide to come forward, take your time, any buzz that surrounds you is bound to be taken as insult to other or be found bothersome. Some wish never to be included in any buzz not about them or about others, without them, being incorporated into those attentions, voices, and crowd feedback, which is a general chaos that surrounds your mind an unwanted chaos that surrounds your mind when you are brought up, when things are brought up about you, or when you bring things up misunderstood by others to be about others or to purposefully cause a buzz about them or about yourself called attention. The best form of advocacy is privacy without mention of the specific relations you’ve had past or present, to not stir up any unwanted emotions within yourself or in or around others as to the platform from which you speak. Not all are tolerant of voices I’m certainly not, and not all are forgiving of your condition or being brought under any unwanted spotlights or attentions in life without you knowing it. Which is why some present themselves to the world themselves not by others be presented to the world under their lense or by their outputs feel they are being misrepresented or judged because of something you’ve said as applied to them no one knows who I’ve dated, who I’m friends with, who I was friends with, who I’ve worked for, who’s sponsored me, that’s just your paranoia being directed at me as though I’m out in the open to similar expose the lives of others as I have been exposed by others without my permission. That I would never do without having those people in my life if they are in my life means in support of me and that doesnt always mean to be included but a mention might occur with them in mind after having spoken to me. That’s not bringing someone or something up for attentions back to me, if in a caveat that deflects attentions away from the Simpson Family or Brady then that means I’m doing a good job of not highlighting their life and struggles when discussing my own issues in life separate from them and separate from anyone else in my life for that matter. Experience doesn’t always mean a combination of knowing people and sharing experiences with them that gives us knowledge to credit someone if mentioned if considered an insult is why no one from my life is mentioned to not insult them as mentioned.

Authenticity Why Does It Matter …

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A good blogger is approachable, likeable, easy to read, and gives off a certain energy of confidence. Someone who pays a great deal of care and careful attention to their work product. It’s not for everyone, it’s for the detail oriented, the patient, the kind, the reliable, the tech savvy, type of entrepreneur you’d go to for advice or a second opinion when building your own company. There are so many influencers nowadays it’s hard to know where to start. Don’t lose hope. As you become more and more familiar with the bloggers out there and the different styles of blogging you’ll see what it is you like, don’t like, admire, and want to achieve for yourself one day. Don’t forget to keep track of your influences along the way, and don’t be too shy to work with anyone either. A lot about business requires you to interact with others, the better able you are to speak to others professionally the easier your job will feel, get a couple emails under your belt, practice pitching to other bloggers, and eventually you’ll be that much more prepared for bigger deals in life like modeling contracts, being a brand ambassador, or a professionally published author and blogger one day. The skies the limit, with every opportunity before you start somewhere and don’t forget to learn something new each day, no one expects you to know everything that’s all in your head. Remembering that the more you know the more you’ll be able to teach back and provide help to others. So be yourself, don’t mislead, do what you can, and constantly work toward being the best version of yourself, after all it’s you sharing the product, you sharing your thoughts, and you in your profile photos, be someone you would like to get to know too and work with. Good luck!

Stop and Smell the Roses …

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There is always time in the day to stop and smell the roses, meaning be appreciative of our blessings, give thanks, show our appreciation toward others for being there for us, and not being stuck in our own heads about life, or misfortune for that matter. No one likes a pity party that’s never an easy trip forward complaining about what has past without appreciation for what you have going for you in life. Start somewhere you may not be perfect, they don’t call it rock bottom for no reason, it’s difficult, it’s trying, and it requires you to test your personal strength to grow from your mistakes, learn from your mistakes, and it starts with counting your blessings twice.

Just Be Yourself …

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Change doesn’t require you to give up who you are in place of being a new person. You will always have to accept parts of you you like and don’t like about yourself. The goal to keep in mind, is to love yourself in spite of who you are, who you were, and begin in enjoying living your life as best you can without feeling like your life is over or unfixable and live in shame. Some make mistakes. We are not perfect. Some get upset. We all have moods. And some get angry, and lose composure. The point is know your stopping points at what point has anything become so apparently wrong with how you are living your life whether that’s weight gain, job losses, friend losses, relationship losses, that you decide to look in the mirror and figure out what it is about yourself that others are in disagreement with is it the way you look, is it your energy, is it how you dress, is it how hard you work, are you reliable, are you a flake, are you loving enough, do you demonstrate care for others, are you representing others well, are you being selfish, are you an unhappy person, do you demonstrate respect, and what can you do to have things in life without losing the things in life that make you feel whole and complete, what can be done.

I Used to Think …

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If you don’t know what you’re doing you can always ask for help, and sometimes there is no one to help you. That’s when you have to rely on your own instincts in life to get back on track, the speed at which others live life may not always compliment the speed to which you are able to live life, sometimes we just feel up to challenge, and sometimes we have to push ourselves and continue to try even if we can’t see the light of day. I’m not talking about what I’ve been through personally as that’s not a public matter to be picked apart for what reasons have led to my “downfalls” in life as popularly studied about more successful figures in life wealthy individuals with millions of dollars and lives, social lives, and jobs, I’m not to be compared to their professional downfalls and moral failures in life when it comes to their business endeavors, their personal endeavors, and what they did or did not do to fulfill their professionals duties in life to provide for others, care for others, or make trouble for the lives of those they’ve harmed without regret or remorse for the discomforts they have caused and flaygrant disturbances of the peace to those they’ve harmed. You can’t get over psychological disturbances in life and sometimes you live with the actions of others and the mistreatments of you thinking you are stronger than you are, tougher than you are, more able than you are, more confident than you are, and some of us never arrive to success based upon who we decide to care for, and who decides to care for us, and nowadays affected by what people think of us whether we know it or not, as looked over read watched or judged personally as a waste of space time and energy to invest in caring for, those people just leave alone there is no convincing to them otherwise for acceptances in life, and if you’ve been harmed, never explain why you felt harmed as the other side will always be justified in harming you, and any reaction that makes you look bad or unstable is used to judge you in the negative while automatically feeling sorry for anyone who was in your life and no longer in your life, as though they were or are now victim disempowered to your strength your recovery your progress your achievements like I’m working hard to make anyone look bad of course not. I have issues with self harm I don’t feel good anyways let alone feel capable now of making anyone else feel good I work hard because I have to work hard to stay stable and wasting time thinking about what has transpired and where they feel I measured up in the broad spectrum of blames lie, makes me not want to work for anyone, talk to anyone, speak to anyone, date anyone, or write and publish a book now, that’s the price of looking bad as compared to others. There will always be people who think they are better than you however it’s when you insult anyone or allude to misrepresentations of how people are now to you compared to what things were like then is what they want to hear to know whether you thought negative before gun violence, shootings, and crimes being punished like I’m related to anything anyone else does in their life. I live my life for me for my family for my friends for my fans, not to be bigger or better than and certainly don’t waste my time concerned about how I look in comparison to others ever feel threatened or taken aback as though I’ve ever felt entitled to be the same as anyone else’s happiness success achievement career employment rate or mental health status. You cannot choose who likes you in life that is a choice of their own making not your choice to figure out who likes who who likes you or ever wonder who is liked and why you are not liked and they are liked as though assumed I think instead of me, or more than me, or compared to me, or not proud of me, like I have male issues, I’m always loved by men and make friends easily with women, so God forgive me for alone time to finish law school and focus on career so I have positive things to talk about to be social again.

Reference:

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Sometimes I Wonder …

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Sometimes I wonder what life could’ve been like had I never decided to start blogging, then I count my blessings twice and so thankful that I stepped foot into the online arena. It’s a very intimidating process of becoming known to others. How to present yourself, what to think, how to be, how to look, so many things enter your mind that you would not ordinarily be concerned with in a regular life, but aren’t we all online today. Much about life involves embracing ourselves our lives who’s in our lives and who’s not and loving ourselves anyways. Don’t beat yourself up over comparisons in life, not having the same lifestyles as people or wanting more. For example, just because I’m not a lifestyle blogger does not mean that my life is boring or that I don’t have a life as a writer, sure there are plenty of writers who hole up and write all day if it’s your choice to be a certain way then do so, you can’t always follow one another’s lead in life, sometimes you have to work at your own pace, follow your heart, and do what’s best for you.

About Love …

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So much about love is having our expectations met and when they are not met get upset with one another. The goal is not to build resentments in life toward Ex lovers, previous relationships, or friends, one should be free upon parting ways with someone not carry away the baggage of unhappiness that sometimes flows from disagreement and not getting along. Once a relationship is over it’s hard to go back sometimes maybe even hard to forgive, while each party plays victim to the expectations of one another, and sometimes without remorse playing victim to the conditions of one another. There has to be some middle ground, you either forgive and move on, or stay, and be friends at a later point in time. It’s your choice whether to move on or to stay in any relationship that no longer suits you. It’s okay to be forgiving but not to the extent that you get hurt subjecting yourself to even more pain or be faced with the unhappiness of another towards you know that it’s not your fault. And when one relationship doesn’t work out, that doesn’t mean that no relationships will work out, we are all worthy of being loved, it’s all a matter of finding the right matches in life. So don’t fret, you may be feeling under the weather now in solitude and away from friends and loved ones, and life may be difficult for the time being but that doesn’t mean life is over simply because one relationship is done.

The Times are Tough …

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My best advice would be to stay in motion. During my toughest battles with bipolar I’ve done just that … set a regular schedule, set goals, kept up with chores, and kept moving forward. A little processing goes a long way but not to the extent that you spend more time thinking than the time spent doing in life. Always make sure to keep a healthy balance. For me going to AA meetings was a great way to reflect for an hour and hear what others have to say for an hour, and to me that was plenty amount of time each day to get grounded, coupled with daily prayer. Reading is also a great way to get settled, for the same reasons I struggled with bipolar, I decided to stay in law school and finish my masters whether or not I was going to be an Attorney it mattered more to me to finish than to not finish at all and have my hard work go unrecognized. Reading in law school was extremely therapeutic, it left me feeling well and settled each day and accomplished not to mention it also made me feel smarter too. When you set goals for yourself you automatically move forward in life, whether it’s cleaning your closet, or finishing a book you’re accomplishing something and that in turn rewards you with good feelings, something to think about. So don’t be too hard on yourselves, like in AA, take it one day at a time.

For the Same Reasons …

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For the same reasons you wish to be desired valued and loved you will find in the same one day maybe not now maybe not when you’re looking for romance but allow things to come around in their good timing. When you are at peace with yourself you’ll attract things into your life and be given choices the more choices you have the better off you are that’s just in my opinion. The moments when I’ve felt most powerless have been when I feel like my options are few. Always find time to regroup during any difficult moments in life and take a step back think to yourself what could you have done a better job of: loving, listening, caring, empathizing, showing compassion, giving time to, what we’re the reasons for any sudden discord in your life or to your relationships in life. It’s common when single or alone to reassess and reevaluate previous relationships and wonder these things but don’t be too hard on yourself.

With Respect …

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With respect to the success of others, usually you should have nothing to say, but more curiosity should strike you as to what it is they are doing well and how well they are able to achieve in life, that’s just for the purposes of looking at ourselves, in comparison, what is it that we are doing right in life, and what is it that we could be doing a better job of in life. I think things only become related once mentioned, otherwise its best to leave things alone. Don’t ever look at the lives of others, and think that they are living their lives, and making important decisions, or business decisions, to make others look worse, or to paint a different picture or paint a picture at all as to what things look like. I think unless you yourself are clear and manageable to comprehend and look at and read into, will other shy away from reading your work, and read the work of someone else, who is better equipped to handle your questions in life as to how things look, like worrying what other people have to think or say, never worry too much about how things look on the outside, that goes as to your personal boundaries, your body, and whats around you, as well as in looking at others, perceive them as trying to communicate something, about someone other than themselves, as a human being we communicate our best interests rarely does one put their own needs aside, to better communicate the best interests of others. Unless you have been trained professionally, to read, review, interview, or get to know people through the question and answer process, are some more familiar with gathering informations about others, more than people are prepared or understand the concept of the interview, or reasons for sharing as to what is directed to be shared about. Always do your best, to make things not about private confidential spaces or therapy settings [which can cause discomfort], as that is not what I am describing, but rather, when looking at someone famous, and seeing someone not famous, and thinking that they are trying to piggy back, or look as special as, in comparison, or given being apart of the same or similar stories in life, that’s where I think I was disregarded as having a unique perspective only through my education and experience shared in personal statements to school but never published for likes online, once briefly posted on my website, but no one read it, and certainly not enough people to read and or comment, about anything I wrote when I was 19 years old. You grow and mature, and save writings, and sometimes you share those writings, at this time, what has worked best for me, is not by sharing my past, but by writing from where I am right now in life, and what I am thinking of right now, to be read into as clear.

Living After Suit …

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It’s not the end of the world once your reputation has been harmed it’s a very uncomfortable subject to have in public concerning your health especially if you are doing better in life now, resuming a normal schedule, exercise regularly, and able or not able to work is none of anyone’s business your path through recovery from hardships and whether you have earned your privileges back in life rightfully so. That’s negative judgments on you interfering with your outlook in life just focus on yourself. You don’t have to try that hard in life to be well liked or to have friends that’s the main lesson, always rise above, it’s true others who seek to justify you as deserving of illness or hardship make occur again by scaring you or intimidating you … is to get others to not listen to you read like or follow your blog. Who cares. It’s really not a big deal to me how many followers I have that wasn’t the point the point was to share my story and to help others.

Note: Not feeling well today, need to rest.

How Far Can You Get …

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Love can only get you so far in life before you wake up and realize that more work needs to get done don’t become complacent when you meet someone new that’s your time to shine and to prove to them that you’re worth it that’s how you become seen as an asset not as a liability in life. Always stay positive managing your cares maintaining a careful balance of whether it be work and school or work and boyfriend and if you have a boyfriend turned serious manage those feelings that come up trust wise be reassuring and always supportive loving that gives room to love you back sometimes you have to give a lot of love in order to receive love in life especially by those who highly value themselves as well as those they choose to have in their lives. The past is the past remember that don’t let things that didn’t work out previously to reoccur for you in life via the sharing of what has gone wrong and shed any negative light upon your ability to stay in a relationship long term monogamously or whether as polyamorous now need time to wander and make friends. Some of us grew up as one of the guys so to have lots of guy friends is normal not for the purposes of giving and receiving sexual favors. Only some are for that. -That’s not to say that love is a terrible waste of time emotionally it’s actually a very uplifting experience to find someone you adore who energized you and motivates you to better yourself someone you are naturally hyper and driven with, that’s love. Really thankful I met Ari Emanuel he’s been a blessing in disguise really raised a lot of feelings I used to have in life about my previous connections and wonder what people thought and why if ever that would interfere with my present ability to achieve the same has I not known people in life. Use your experiences in life to your advantage always that’s what makes you unique you cannot take back the past or things you’ve said wrong or undo any harm resulting from your inability to keep up with the times and achieve for whatever reasons always have compassion and stay calm be forgiving of self and others and never complain too much especially when trying to move forward, be kind always. I function better in love with a partner however get more done as single independent of one, I thought I was wasting time doting on men, when you love someone that should come easy to you you shouldn’t have to try it should just happen.

Put in the Defensive …

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Whenever anyone puts you in the defensive just ignore the discomforts of others especially if on behalf of Ari Emanuel that’s none of your business what is discussed in private or with my attorney or therapists who approve of me having pen pals. I think it’s wrong to assume that someone is up to no good simply because they are not behaving in a way favorable to your comforts in life that’s not a product of sides being created that’s a result of the continued misinformation about me and the subsequent treatment of me as someone who is mentally ill, how I deal with my problems alone in the privacy of my own own is no ones business journaling or writing in my phone, that’s neither offensive nor should be brought into question as abnormal to have so much to say after being quiet for so long. I’m not asking for your compassion or friendship as a blogger or even for you to follow especially if you are someone who feels put at odds by my continued well being means you feel in competition with me for well trains of thoughts as though my thoughts or influence in life is not admirable or classy take on life you do not wish that women or men you like be influenced by me and lose matches in life sex and jobs don’t work that way. Unfortunately that’s a personal problem you have with me trying to keep me scared of people and home or scared to socialize in fear of what people think of me no one knows me the blogging audience threshold is worldwide not by neighborhood grown in popularity feed of who you know initially as contributing to your likeability later in life I use no ones identity to be more well liked I’m a Corporation and well liked because I’m original and likeable, human. I’ve been through a lot the formula for success online writing requires years of building rapport with your audience. That’s trust not trying to be Queen B I think it’s really insulting to be marginalized as someone competing with others for attentions in life or resources as though we are running out of men money and jobs I can always find something else if not provide for myself I’m independent of others not needy in love that is natural to become in need that is my mistake to give my heart to another. Be more understanding less judgmental.

I’ve Always Wanted …

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If you want what you’ve never had to get it you have to be disciplined. Stability means everything worthwhile while achieving your goals. It’s when we’re unstable we become fearful, it’s when we doubt ourselves, our luck runs out. Small steps everyday means pacing yourself taking it day by day as you recover and get stronger. To make a full recovery you have to believe in yourself. Who cares what others think, at a time like this you need to love yourself no matter what, if they’re around they’re around your happiness should not be dependent upon who loves you or wants to be with you, sometimes we have no one, and that’s okay. I know it’s lonely, I know it’s overwhelming, I’ve been there, what I’d tell my younger self, just stick with it, sobriety that is, getting sober is the hard part staying sober is the easy part, learning to say no, setting boundaries and not go back down the rabbit hole so to speak. Exactly how do you want to feel need to feel in order to be happy? Then do what you need to do in order to achieve that state of being and find your purpose again in life. It’s so hard to stay motivated these days, easily letting ourselves down the minute we get side tracked into negative thinking or self defeative thoughts, don’t beat yourself up, be on your side in life, you don’t have to take the side of those who don’t believe in you, convince yourself you’re worthless and stop trying hard in life. Always do your best to make a good impression and don’t think for a minute that special considerations will be made in light of your past to accommodate your ups and downs, if you want to be treated as equal and a normal member of society start acting like one, we all have problems, don’t bring anyone down in the process of figuring yourself out and let go of resentments. If you want to move on to bigger and better things then prove that you’re a different person now with potential -in your 20s slip ups are forgivable in your 30s more maturity and independence is expected of you. You only have one life to live and if you’re not happy about your past then you only have one choice but to move forward, less is more, better not to overwhelm those coming into your life by what’s passed, and create more room acceptance wise for who you are now. Don’t self sabotage and build sides against yourself in life bigger than those sides were to begin with, nothing’s impossible unless you make it so. Accept where you are now, who you are now, and never give up. The less you complain the more time you have to appreciate what’s around you, always be grateful for the life you have whether or not things are perfect, to have a better life you have to first start with appreciation for what you do have going for you in life not be limited by what you don’t have in life, that’s being positive, always see the glass as half full if you want more opportunities to avail themselves to you, don’t stop moving forward -each day is a day to better yourself, don’t waste time getting wrapped up in negative cycles of thinking, the easiest way out of a rut is through goal setting and being task oriented, then once you feel better and have made progress in life can reflect upon what needs work, but only you can build that positive momentum for yourself.

Overcoming Frustration …

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Letting go is no easy task in fact it could just be the first step in overcoming any and all unwanted emotions associated with your fear of moving forward in life whether that be calling an old friend, responding to an ex, going back to a job, starting a new job, finishing a project, starting a new project, or beginning a new relationship. Sometimes we get caught in between and freeze, not knowing when to start, how to begin, or how to go about things in a way that doesn’t make us look desperate or needy, much of us wants to appear independent yet at the same time we want to have it all meaning people in our lives to share our lives with. Don’t get mad at yourself for falling off the social bandwagon, if you were taking time to focus on yourself then just hope that others will be forgiving of you for the time lost without keeping in touch, life goes on, choose to be in their lives of not. Do something don’t just sit there, text, call, take the initiative once you get better to get back in touch with others and be social. According to psychcentral.com “When you’re frustrated, it can feel like nothing is under your control and everything is chaos. It’s hard to know where to begin. When you’re flooded with emotion, it’s difficult to think straight.” [1] It can be an overwhelming feeling to feel behind in life, don’t beat yourself up over things or decisions past you have the rest of your life to live and so many years of progress left for you to realize your complete potential life’s not half as bad as you make it out to be sometimes less is more try not to be too dramatic over losses in life and just handle things like an adult be mature always in control of your emotions. Sometimes the most successful people are not people without problems in life (we all have problems) but great problem solvers, able to get out of a bind and think their way back to sanity always level headed, you cannot predict what life throws at you sometimes we get set off center, regroup, be patient, let the dust settle, allow time to speak for itself, you don’t always have to explain how everything happens just make your life happen in a way that’s cognizant of the lives others lead and make choices that continue to benefit you and others around you, when you’re well everything around you seems well that’s just how life works. Let go of your need to control what others think of you, that is not in your power, how others read and interpret your medical history or past, the best you can do moving forward is show that you’ve changed, healed, and overcome your troubles so that they grow out of the expectation of worry for your condition and stop predicting the worst of you -surround yourself with people who believe in you, think you’re smart, so that you can achieve the best version of yourself, show that you have the potential to succeed in life, these are but temporary conditions in life mental health issues, like all storms they pass, if you allow them too and with proper coping skills and cognitive behavioral techniques continue to manage yourself in a way conducive to minimizing your symptoms until you can function, set goals, achieve goals, and live life without feeling sorry for yourself, we can’t all be perfect, eventually you have to accept yourself the way you are bipolar or not.

References:

[1] https://blogs.psychcentral.com/your-life/2016/05/10-steps-to-overcoming-frustration/

Within Reason …

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Within reason chase your dreams in life whatever they may be, but never at your own expense go backwards and question yourself. Eventually you have to accept where you are in life whether on point or on track, never stop goal setting and moving forward in life no matter how unhappy you are. Any progress is better than none. It’s when you stop trying you become a disappointment and lose motivations in life. To succeed at anything worthwhile you have to keep going even on bad days and even when the times get tough keep thinking ahead in terms of what you could be doing better always questioning whether what you’re doing now is going to get you to where you want to be in life. Really cheesy quote to highlight the odds against you in life with learning disability I can relate post breakup fighting with a ex who wanted to marry me, leaving a three year relationship in pursuit of a career thinking if I’m not finishing law school with him excelling in life than this is not a good relationship for me. You learn later in life to take responsibility for your own failures in life and poor time management skills. If you can’t date and finish a masters then don’t date and that’s why I stopped dating to finish my masters will be graduating next year. I may not have a career yet and I could’ve been married by now but that doesn’t mean I’m a complete failure or messed up in life, in the hierarchy of life as unwed I fall way below in terms of respect as compared to those deemed of higher standing in life because they are married. Which is why I lost 50 lbs but that didn’t seem to make a difference. Respect yourself. Life’s not all about how people treat you, that’s all in your head mostly, so long as you are presentable expect to be greeted courteously by others if you don’t take good care of yourself don’t expect others not to notice or comment or treat you differently. Sobriety has been key to my success if bipolar is the issue then drinking doesn’t help it took awhile for me to accept my diagnosis and take the night meds, it’s also been difficult to take night meds and work as tired and lethargic gained all my weight back. You have to be a certain way to survive in this world poised and even tempered otherwise you get put on meds, mood corrected, personality changed, and adjusted until you become some better version of what’s considered normal and acceptable look wise appearance wise behaviorally and socially. When insulted all your hard work and high standing gets tarnished by those who seek to bring you down in life by choosing not to be with them and be alone, that’s not deserved to be sent off in life until mentally ill taunted and ridiculed and aggravated until one self harms, there’s no need for being accusatory toward someone who flew to DC for two weeks and left law school -we are allowed breaks in relationships. This was 2013. Why was it okay for him to take breaks to focus on himself and his studies but not okay for me to take breaks to focus on myself and my studies. After dating him I did not find any solid matches in life who valued me and have since not dated anyone seriously. Until you are of value with a career and able to provide for yourself don’t expect to meet anyone willing to love and take care of you especially not if you have disability on meds and without a job it’s hard to date or find love let alone maintain friendships. I guess this is why I started blogging, something to do to pass the time instead of self harming something to do while in recovery something to do while looking for a job or while in between jobs and something to do while learning how to write a book, it’s been a wonderful few years of self growth online and glad to finally be presentable with likes and comments and follows, consistent and professional, a few flair ups here and there but for the most part stable, thank you for your support! Happy New Year 🌸

When in Rome …

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Establish your sense of peace and so does everything else follow in life in your favor how good luck is made when you’re stability decisions wise with forethought for the repercussions of your choice words and actions whether directly or indirectly being of consequence to the thoughts and deductions made by others -be sound. It’s having a firm belief in yourself and your definition of normal what works best for you and given your experiences in life able to be yourself excel stay motivated without succumbing to negative peer pressures in life or heed bad advices concerning your current options in life not all will think well of you it’s important to think well if oneself and others how good thoughts are made, not upon worries worries for losses or illness be affected in the shoes of another take on more than we can handle in life unless it directly involves you speak up if it’s your health speak up it doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks less of you it’s a catty competition over having a good perspective these days sharing in common what works and only feeling bettered by what makes us feel reinforced in life not broken down, of value, confident, not at fault, resilient, wise, and deserving, not giving up it’s all about maintaining a good attitude in life your best self is you when you were well you cannot replicate the past not all will understand your circumstances experiences or life pressures or limitations but keep going when things get better it’s easier to speak than to try to make better any situation that isn’t already working in your favor, where there’s no trust, no admiration, where there is no room for independent thought, there’s insecurity, so long as one seconds hate toward another or individuals over who’s more mature than who and over who makes sense then no middle ground can be achieved when all commentary and confidences are based upon destruction of progress destruction of wellness destruction of accolade destruction of purpose destruction of rapport or destruction of livelihood the damages are incomprehensible when people are forced to give up in life because of labels forced to take a back seat to others based upon their judgements and negative viewpoints of them what’s stupid is stupid to care for anyone other than yourself is not stupid to not know how to respond carefully without experience is normal. -For the time being I’ve decided to limit my participation on social media to focus on writing longer posts and prose that represent my thoughts better than in short hand or by humor or in private messages brainstorm outloud my ideas about life concerns or present condition there’s a such thing as too much accountability and transparency I’ve done my very best to share as much as possible to continue building rapport and trust that will hopefully support no conversations about me nor educated ones treat me as a subject of study to my own work and information provided to them made available that’s not the purpose of sharing to get hurt by what is shared as not being good enough or intelligent by what is read by that point it’s your energy to produce depreciated by another’s energy seeking to devalue your hardwork and effort if I was not of value I would not be read nor be subjected to attack that’s not deserved. #stopsuicide

Be Professional …

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When you have nothing you have two choices in life to live life irrespective of the harms to you or try to prove others wrong, that’s when it’s time to choose the path of least resistance, and live life, not dig an even bigger hole for yourself in life and subject yourself to unwanted attentions causing you negativity in your life or suicidal ideation over what ifs, you cannot prepare for defeat in life if someone has it in them to destroy you in life they will let them you can always rebuild yourself some are so relentless to prove themselves correct and others wrong that even at the worsened expense of their adversaries do they think twice that’s their idea of keeping going and getting $hit done clearing paths to success which includes removing or dismembering groups people or individuals capable of succeeding in life and limiting their opportunities in life as punishment based on how they feel what they see what they think what they predict what’s at their expense to care without remorse for your condition or who may be affected by your downfall in life even if it results in the death of a loved one, that’s not my error to pitch and get help that was an offer to help and rescinded post pitching that’s not my fault if I was rejected as a person of professionally standing with a coherent purpose education or background fit to be helped by a certain group of individuals who did not believe in me or the causes to which I supported at the time, seeking instead to prove illness not care sickness not love and claim indifference to my need to be heard or get help, punished me for caring out loud. That’s not my fault. I was questioned I responded that was not my idea an open invitation online to your and a Q&A guided not by me. I’m not an aggressive person to treat me as though I was desperate I was connected to and upon being connected to attached. That’s business. Indifferent to causes with concern only for their own wellbeing and reputations in life regardless at who’s expense suffers mark a wrong before proven wrong that’s out of their own misconduct or choices not my fault for showing up via invitation. That’s discrimination. To treat someone as an addict taking as prescribed simply because you do not agree with the platform from which they chose to blog, Twitter. I now have a website and wrote three books. It’s my choice to live life and work and any unreasonable interference with my ability to live life and be able to provide for myself is based upon who I know how I behaved online and thinking to punish me on behalf of everyone as though I knowingly made anyone who knew me sad or uncomfortable as a writer online an advocate in public, then be sued claiming one does not know me, that’s frivolous, then if not known to what extent was one harmed by a hashtag and 90k fans, a chosen referenced side-kick to a campaign credited for allowing me to pitch. Why not to mention anyone in public without permissions as they don’t want to be associated to anyone they don’t know. My best friends Dad’s jersey stood up top their stadium to their college until 2006, I was her best friend growing up since Age 4, the court papers say that he did not know me, [but he called my Mom], and like such was treated like a nobody as though I was up to no good punished by the courts. Why is it okay for him to collect my writings for suit but not okay in the reverse to stop by his work after meeting him a friend request accepted try to talk to him again be ignored rejected professionally why are those professional relationships not maintained what gives them the right in tech to hear you pitch them cut off all contact not respond, why the silent treatment? Why is that okay to not respond to any follow ups to an interview, that was normal to follow up, not normal to not be nice and respond at least with an automated email of options for assistance or explanation.

Choose People Who Choose You …

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Without getting into too much detail about my past I can share one experience of rejection and how it changed me. For the most part growing up I was always one of the most popular girls, and often the family that hosted end of the year class parties at our house, and in high school kickbacks with friends hanging out and sleeping over. Boy did those old comforters come to good use in those days, all our blankets stacked in the hallway cabinet that would burst open at bed time everyone grabbing a set of sheets for themselves. So for the most part I’ve never had to worry about making friends I’ve always had friends let alone maintain rapport after a business meeting in which I was asked to pitch my idea out loud concerning hashtags and gun violence, and wanting to do something to help everyone online by campaigning, re-blogging fashion, writing quotes, sharing schoolwork, any content I could think of, while branding myself as mymollydoll.com, and make a name for myself. I was never in any way seeking to represent others or step on stage to redress any wrongs by others passed, that wasn’t the purpose of being public online. Low and behold all the dirt comes up the minute you decide to bare all thoughts online, it’s not as freeing of an experience as you’d expect it to be, it’s actually at first really hard to wrap your head around your own thoughts without becoming too sensitive to what others think or could be thinking, it’s definitely not for the paranoid, writing in public you have to be very wise with your words never causing harm to your own reputation or the reputations of others. Who do I represent? Everyone that knows me and slept at my house, I even met Jonah Hill at my house in the back driveway at the bottom of the hill, they were laughing in the street heard them and introduced myself. I later bumped into him at an AA meeting but by then too shy to say hello, maybe when I’m in a better place in life can be social again, comfortable with myself around others without fear of being judged in the negative because I had an experience with rejection. It took me many years to recover from the unnecessary silent treatment of friends and exes I’ve come to just accept that that’s the way things are and not to take anything personally as I’ve grown and matured, just as I need my own personal space, I guess so do others. -The main lesson is that when you have an idea, unless you’re Melinda Gates and able to finance a project in support of an idea, not to be too out there and scare others away, just as others claim to be scared in the face of your suggestion to provide advocacy to victims of violence (secondaries, tertiaries), don’t be intimidated by the opinions of others, or feel pressured to be normal and balanced, it’s okay to be creative within reason meaning with approvals from others, I registered as a company in the State of CA, applied for recognition at the Shorty Awards and Feedspot, signed up for Alexa and was approved, everything you can do to legitimize yourself as a reasonable source of care grounded by approvals is what makes you a reliable source, not just your work history, but all your effort included in reporting and becoming of value, I was even selected to be a Judge at American Association of Suicidology AAS20, and applied to give a Ted Talk on my experiences as a blogger with a history of bipolar and feeling suicidal 2009 before I started law school, while living in West Hollywood, alcoholic. Sober now, I only hope that those who didn’t believe in me will not continue to interfere with my ability to move forward in life and if for any reason they think I’m not doing a good job to instead focus on themselves, your biggest critics in life are people who don’t need you but rely upon their rejections of you to hold their heads high as right and better than, when it comes to wellness, I’ve just accepted my lowered social status in life and it’s nothing worth dying over, rejected or not. #stopsuicide

The Importance of Education …

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When you have an education the skys the limit, in terms of job opportunity, and confidence. Life’s all about confidence, without which, makes it hard to even get started in the first place. Whether you’re a college student, or a graduate student, or trying to get your PhD, you’ll go through many phases throughout your academic career. According to nwmissouri.edu “Without passion and purpose in what you do, there is no meaning.” [1] Those with a clear career path in mind, have many qualities in common, not only are they diligent hard workers, who put 100% effort toward their studies and vocational trainings, but how they are able to “actualize their career plans, to express themselves” [2] is all about timing, and managing your energy stores. The most successful candidates for any job in the workforce “have a zest for living and for engaging in their daily work.” [3] Have positive purpose in life, what are you passionate about, and are you willing to make sacrifices in your life, in order to make work or your studies your “core priority, putting all else aside.” [4] Its hard to go to work and school at the same time, but we do. Its also hard to get a job without having had a job, which is why we work internships and work without pay. All of those experiences matter, pat yourself on the back, you’ve come a long way, that takes a lot of dedication and commitment, to continue to work day in and day out, with hopes for your future reward at some point in time, to establish a career for yourself in a salary paying job, you’re almost there don’t quit. Until you are happy with yourself, will you find joy and happiness in the things that you do. Your happiness comes first above all else, before relationships, and sometimes even before pleasing those around you, you cannot make better or fix what is broken, if you are not whole to begin with, and have some value to you which you can add to any equation and make being around you worth the time and effort spent to see you, or have you work for them. Its been pointed out that “Most people change their careers several times over the course of their working lives; they are seeking an improvement when they make those changes.” [5] So where does that leave you, those “early stages of an academic career … fraught with insecurity” [6] about reaching your academic and professional goals in life. Don’t forget to network, studies have shown that those who spent “a high proportion of working time devoted to research and networking” found more career success and advanced career wise. [7] Staying school “will play to your benefit” in the long run, and those who chose to stay in school are already seeing the results, more job interviews, and more job offers, (speaking from personal experience) “your credentials may make you competitive and even give you an edge.” [8] Keep applying yourself, sometimes you have to apply over multiple job cycles before you find a job, make sure to get your work done.

 

References:

 

[1] https://www.nwmissouri.edu/career/PDF/NACEGrabGo/OnTheJob/CareerConfidence.pdf

 

[2] Id at 1.

 

[3] Id at 1.

 

[4] Id at 1.

 

[5] Id. at 1.

 

[6] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10734-017-0226-x

 

[7] Id at 6.

 

[8] https://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2019/07/tough-academic-job-market-two-principles-can-help-you-maximize-your-chances

 

Originally Posted on myneedtolive.com and http://www.mymollydoll.com/mymollydoll/the-importance-of-education.

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Pick and Choose Your Battles in Life …

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We can’t all be warriors when it comes to standing our ground, eventually, being hard on others wears on us, and begins to take its toll. If you recognize these patterns of behavior causing you mood disordered states, such as trying to control people or situations, then you wind up saving yourself that much more heartache in the long run, being placed in the wrong, for being overly emotional, or overreacting to instances you believe you are in the right. Don’t get carried away with your beliefs, know that sometimes our thinking can get the best of us, and sometimes we can be wrong, never assume anyone or anything is out to get you in life, or that things are being plotted against your happiness in life, such selfish thinking is the type of thinking that usually leaves you feeling less than, and that loss of control you feel, is what stops you from being in action and doing things for yourself to keep you moving forward in life. If you’re worrying about it, you’re not moving forward from it, and if you’re allowing something to bother you, you are doing yourself and others a disservice not being at peace within yourself. In the wise words of C. JoyBell C., “It’s not winning battles that makes you happy, but it’s how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring.” [1] Sometimes it helps to “take a step back and look at the big picture.” [2] What are the long term and short term risks of fighting. Bearing resentments results in negative thinking and even worse, khaleejtimes.com states that “Grudges, like all things that trigger stress, are eventually destructive to our bodies as well as our minds.” [3] According to entrepreneur.com in order to overcome resentments and negative thinking, “If you want to change your circumstances, you need to change the way you think. You have to stop believing that you are stuck in your situation and passively accepting that you’re incapable of doing anything about it.” [4] The worst thing you can do is to accept your condition as normal and allow “negative thoughts to take hold” -don’t do that to yourself. [5] Especially if its about something that’s happened in the past, how often do we find ourselves upset about something that’s happened a long time ago, focus on the present, not what happened in high school, not what happened in college, and not what happened at the bars, what is happening for you right now, what can you be proud of, and center your thoughts around positives. “Negative thinking is often centered around thoughts about the past that are upsetting, hurtful or disappointing, or around anxiety or apprehension about something that we believe will happen in the future.” [6] So stay positive, I hope that you break free of your negative thinking, and begin to “exud[e] the kind of positive energy that makes people want to gravitate toward you” again in life! [7]

 

References:

 

[1] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/469248-choose-your-battles-wisely-after-all-life-isn-t-measured-by

 

[2] https://www.forbes.com/sites/sallypercy/2018/08/07/how-to-pick-your-battles-four-key-questions-to-ask/#4fa7effc3f56

 

[3] https://www.khaleejtimes.com/lifestyle/health-fitness/the-negative-impact-of-bearing-a-grudge

 

[4] – [7]  https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/333296

 

 

 

First Things First …

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It’s always been my dream to finish law school, had it not been for the unconditional support of my parents over the years I would not have continued my legal education, working and re-enrolling, until complete, looking forward to graduating February 28, 2020 when the semester ends and walking in May. I’ve decided to take time off from working at my internship to focus on my Dissertation which is more important to me, than to grind through each week and miss deadlines, so far so good everything’s been submitted on time. Grades are important, it’s a $3000 course, worth finishing the semester strong, and with a finished product I’m proud of. Meanwhile I’ve been busy editing my first book set to be published 2020 with Amazon Book Writing Inc, I’ve been working with them since 2018. It took about 5-6 months to write compiling my writings from online, on Twitter over the years, and about 2 years on and off to edit, while finishing my law degree. You have to be really dedicated to finishing a book it doesn’t just sit well overnight, it takes many revisions, to finally put together a story that represents you well without mentioning others, that was the most difficult part, not mentioning others. It’s hard to tell your story and not have shared parts of your life with others worth sharing, there are many lessons to be learned in life, half of those lessons learned occur through meeting people. Book writing is not common sense, and it’s not easy, you don’t just sit down one day and write 300 pages, it occurs overtime, and as you collect your thoughts you make more and more sense along the way, to me that’s what makes good writing, the fact that it makes sense, it tries to make sense, and it does a good job of making sense of what doesn’t make sense not leaving things up for interpretation or vague for negative interpretations to be made, that would be doing everyone a disservice in life. -I’m a little under the weather this week sick on DayQuil, so have not been blogging as much, focusing on my school work. Just thought to catch up with everyone.

Missing Pieces …

If you live for the moment you forget that in watching you others may be seeing something else. That’s being focused and being watched. I’m not sure what effect that has on others, when you keep busy, focused on yourself, that makes it easier for them to watch you or watch what you’re doing. That’s looking at someone, without expectation, don’t be so easily threatened. There is living life, and then there is living life for attentions to be watched. If I can give any advice to anyone about how to be in order to be well liked it would be to focus on yourself. Sometimes the more you focus on others the more self conscious you become, worrying instead of doing, or becoming defensive for no reason, as watched by others. Those are general tricks for generating a reaction from someone insecure to appear more secure or confident than them and to make them feel smaller uncomfortable that’s being looked at and made to feel uncomfortable. By this time it’s water under the bridge. You just have to move forward. The more poised and put together you are the more respected you’ll be. Confidence occurs over time for me it was graduating with honors studying 5 hours everyday then getting into law school, then I lost confidence, then I got confidence back getting into another law school then graduated, then lost confidence, and now it’s building a blog only time can tell whether I’ll lose confidence again for any number of reasons but I know this much by now, never to trust anyone else with my heart, until I’m ready to bond. #justiceroberts ❤

Living to Please …

Start from within what is it that drives you in life and gives you the courage to survive. Now simplify matters beginning with what’s most important to you. A cost benefit analysis of risk to benefit can always help you when making decisions concerning your health. What will it mean to you to engage in thinking that only brings you down in life, exactly how bad have you been and do you really deserve to be made to feel bad about yourself. Think not why is this being done to me but instead wonder why am I allowing these feelings to occur within me. What’s it to them, and what’s it to you. What does it mean to be proud. And what’s the cost of embarrassment. Your self esteem matters and never convince yourself otherwise that you don’t matter. Mattering begins with mattering to yourself. When you matter to yourself you will matter to others. It doesn’t require deep concentration to center yourself all that matters is that you don’t fill your head with doubt and self-blame the kind of thinking that makes you feel $hitty. Don’t allow other people to make you feel that way about yourself work hard until you feel like you’ve become someone who deserves the best treatment in life and recognize when that happens for you everyone nice around you, more pleasant experiences, and less affected by what’s going on around you. That’s strength. So continue to normalize your feelings, don’t be too hard on yourself, and keep your head up.

Friend Opinions …

Remember when talking to friends was easy. Sure in our younger years when our issues were mostly social and we spent our days talking about others or ourselves, that’s when life was simple. When gossip was queen. Then we may face, addiction, alcoholism, disability, and mental health issues, and that’s when friends are less likely to be there for you or a hand to hold, when you have to fix yourself and get help. They can cheer you on, support you, speak on your behalf, intervene, talk to friends and family, do what they can to let those who care about you know that they care and want to make sure your okay. That’s price you pay for opening up on Facebook, everyone calls and texts your Mom, “Is Leslie okay?” For some reason when I’m feeling most passionate about what I have to say in my element, it was usually uneventful for anyone else reading, that’s bipolar, in outer space while everyone else is on earth, wondering what you’re talking about, why you’re talking about what you’re talking about, and wondering whether you recognize that what you’re saying is off base with reality or just plain TMI. Have never been too fond of the content police my biggest critics along the way. Then you assimilate and find your happy medium, per platform. We all express ourselves in different ways. I’ve always been someone others would confide in growing up, easy to talk to, and ask advice from, a thoughtful sounding board to my best friends. The type of best friends you can sit around and do nothing with, or be drunk off our faces passing out or dancing in bars with everyone watching us, those were the good times. I don’t think friends ever really grow out of each-other we all just move on from what was normal then and adjust to whats normal for us now working, making new friends, networking, spending time with family, and for some reason time with friends turns into coffee and texts. Whatever happened loved them dearly although we seldom if not at all talk now. That’s growing up. Which is what brought me to blogging, the need to be myself, the social butterfly I was, and deal with ongoing mental health issues which for the most part I feel recovered from but still have to manage on a daily basis or else I get sick with voices again disorganized. This will be a life long battle, but I don’t have to do it alone, and that’s why I’m online and became a writer. Writing had been the primary means for me to move forward, make progress, manage my thoughts about reality, figure out what’s important to me,and watch myself bloom finally at 35 and take a picture I’m proud of. Learn to love yourself, life is short, and you’ll surely want to spend more years loving yourself than suffer trying to be something that you’re not. Good things take time.

For more opinions and articles about life, check out my website: mymollydoll.com